


Unexpected homecoming

by justme (silver_spring)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Tywin dancing, a trial by dance, and that awesome video, crackfic, cutting to charles dance, dancing in that ali g movie, i blame instagram, of tyrion demanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 07:24:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10939740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_spring/pseuds/justme
Summary: All Jaime wanted was a nice weekend with Brienne in Casterly Rock, the one time no one else was supposed to be there..





	Unexpected homecoming

The loud music should've been a tip-off, really. Not only had Jaime's father never a fan of music per se, many yells of "Turn that ruckus down!" during Jaime's puberty and the hot phase of his Knights Of The Seven Realms fandom could attest to that, but on the few occasions when Tywin Lannister had music playing, it was always some classical concerto or symphony, in the background, just loud enough to not be intrusive. Not some high-pitched trashy dance number, with 165 beats per minute.  
The second tip-off that something was off in Casterly Rock should've been that no one opened the door for him and Brienne. Usually, due to the long driveway to the mansion, the butler was already waiting by the open door once someone finally stood in front of it.  
But, since Jaime was already imagining the amazing time him and Brienne were going to have this weekend, where clothes would be totally optional, he did never see it coming..

 

Slamming the car door shut, Jaime walked around to the other side to grab Brienne's hand before he pulled her towards the mansion. The plan was to spend the long weekend undisturbed in his father's house, raiding the always stocked kitchen, goof around in the huge pool and finally have some quality time with each other, far away from their college dorm and all those pesky interruptions.

"What's that noise?" Brienne asked as they waited to be let in.

"I don't know, maybe the housekeeper's kids are using the empty house as partygrounds."

"Are they allowed to do that?"

"Gods, no. If my father found out, he'd have a stroke. All the priceless art and stuff."

"So what are you going to do?"

Jaime shrugged.

"See if they have anything good to drink?"

He could always kick them all out later. Yes, he really really wanted to have sex in his old bedroom, a room that had never seen any action while he was still living at home, thanks to his sister scaring every girl he'd shown interest in off long before anything could happen, but they were gonna be here for four days and it was probably not very gentlemanly to drag Brienne off to his lion's den the minute they walked through the door. 

When the door didn't open for them, and quite frankly it was not surprising that the knocker was not heard over the blaring music, Jaime tried to push it open himself, but it seemed it was bolted shut since it wouldn't budge. It made no matter; the back doors were all of a more modern kind and he and Tyrion had hidden spare keys for the one by the kitchen a long time ago.

"Perhaps you should've called ahead after all?" Brienne said as he was steering her around the house to the back.

"That would've meant planning ahead, and since when am I known for that?"

"Good point."

Counting down to the fifth rock from the left lining the pathway to the gardens, Jaime bent down and lifted it to reveal a key.

"Voila. And no, this is not the exception to the no-planning rule. Tyrion came up with this. Something about hiding it in almost plain sight or something."

After unlocking the back door, they were finally inside and Jaime immediately realized that something was very, very off. There was no party. The house was empty. Walking towards the entrance to open the door and get their luggage inside, Jaime froze as he came to the entrance hall. The house wasn't empty after all. His father was home. Well, at least parts of him looked like his father..

..Tywin Lannister was wearing thigh high boots with stiletto heels that could take a man's eye out, a bright red latex mini skirt and a leopard print top, baring his midriff. More than that, he seemed to be dancing with the bannister, grinding against it and having a great time.

"Father?!"

The man in question froze mid-step and whirled around, his cherry red lips forming a shocked O.

"Jaime! I thought you were in King's Landing!"

"Guess we're both wrong then because I thought you were on a business trip to Mereen."

His father, with all his life's experience at intimidating people, rose to his full height, made even more impressive by those 6-inch heels and fixed Jaime with a stern glare.

"You will never utter a word of this to anyone." He declared in a voice that heavily implied a veto would not be tolerated.

"I think it's safe to say no one would believe me anyway." Jaime replied, already in his head writing a text to his younger brother. 

Tywin nodded.

"Now step outside for moment and give me the opportunity for a dignified retreat, would you?"

"Dad...a moment is not gonna cut it for that to happen."

"Now."

Raising his hands, Jaime took a step back.

"Alright, fine. By the way, I might be failing my economics class but I don't think that's going to be a problem, is it?"

Not waiting for an answer, he turned around and pulled Brienne with him back outside, before his father could realize she was even there. That would open a can of worms or threats he didn't need.

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly as they were standing in front of the back door and finally heard the music cut off.

"I think so. I mean, am I shocked? Oh yes. But, honestly, he's not doing any harm to anyone, and if it makes him happy..I think the world's safer if he's watching YouCrow makeup tutorials and not planning the next hostile takeover." He snorted. "Suddenly it makes so much more sense that he bought that cosmetics company."

"If you'd rather leave, we can just go."

"Not necessary. Trust me, my dad wearing women's clothes is not the weirdest thing to ever happen in my family. Not by a long shot. Though I must say, I thought he'd have more style. That top looked like he bought it at a 1-dragon-store."

"Jaime.."

"You would look so fucking hot in those boots, though. And nothing else."

"Jaime!"

"Right. That would be weird, since he's worn them first. Must be my mental scarring talking."

He turned to his girlfriend with a wolfish grin, and pulled her close.

"You know you have to bang my brains out this weekend so that I never remember any of this, right?"


End file.
